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Fly (up my ass,) lady
Here's a newsflash for you: The internet is full of lies, misconceptions, and just plain bad ideas. In fact, here in cyberspace, all that and then some is for sale. That's right, folks, the internet has made it possible for people with absolutely no real valuable information to disseminate their ignorace to the masses like so much dandelion pollen without investing any real capital or flashing any real credentials. And they can CHARGE you for it! Praise the lord and pass the total rip-off!
We all know about online diets, online support groups, online listservs, online pornography...but I've only recently become aware of these handy new online services that will actually run your life for you. It's truly amazing. For example, when you sign up for her services, some condescending crackpot (think Dr. Phil with a lot more time on her hands) will send you a barrage of emails about what you should do, who you should be, and how you should live your life! She even takes the suspense out of when to go to bed: just check your email and she'll tell you! (so long as you're in the same time zone as this chick -- she's not the most tech savvy nag in cyberspace.) Subscribers can achieve complete abdication of personal responsibility by listening to a stranger who likes to create superfluous acronymns ("Are YOU living in CHAOS (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome)?" As if the word chaos itself did not suffice descriptively).
Awesome!!
Before I begin an eight-page rant about the cultural insensitivity of insisting that your disciples wear shoes in the house (and calling detractors of this end "moaners"), I do actually believe that this woman's heart is, more or less, in the right place. Sure, she demands you throw out every piece of junk you own while pedaling her own useless junk for sale on her website, but she's just trying to make a living. For the most part, she just wants to nurture you. She just wants to serve you. She just wants to MOMMY you. And that oughta freak you the hell out.
Millions of adult women in this country and all over the world feel helpless and out of control. They hate their bodies, they hate their bad habits, they hate their inability to unlock their potential, and so they punish and resolve, punish and resolve, every single day. These women want to change overnight -- not because they're greedy, but because advertising has convinced them that dedicated people really CAN wake up on a diet and stick to it for the whole rest of their lives. Of course, that's a complete myth, but it's been packaged as the absolute truth, and it takes a hell of a lot of courage and rebellion to unravel it. Websites like this thrive because alienated people are yearning to fit in with the image of everybody else that exists only in their minds. In truth, more people are struggling like they are than managing their ridiculously hectic lives perfectly.
So maybe I'll start my own email service. Every day, I'll send people messages that say, "You're okay just as you are," and "Be thankful that you can't afford plastic surgery," and "Don't do the dishes today," and "Go to bed whenever the hell you feel like it."
Because even if you think you want to be perfect, what you probably actually want is to be free.
Posted by erinjudge at January 4, 2005 10:53 AM
Comments
I'm in. When can I expect my email from "justthewayyouare.com"?
Posted by: ginny ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.erinjudge.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at January 4, 2005 04:25 PM
See now, this lady, crackpot though she may be, has tapped into a central vein of American humanity - we secretly want to be told what to do - by our government, our religion, our magazines. If Cosmo can tell us how to have a better orgasm, then why not some weirdo over the Internet? Thinking for ourselves is hard. I therefore think you'd make a pretty penny should you get into the personal reaffirmation business. I affirm your decision. :)
Posted by: meisterjd at January 7, 2005 02:24 PM
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